Every single Game of Thrones episode, ranked

It spends waaaaay too much time in Dorne (officially the worst sub-plot in Game of Thrones history), and it has one of the worst fight scenes (Jaime and Bronn vs The Sand Snakes) AND a horrifically disturbing rape scene (a significant change from the books). We won't be rewatching this one in a hurry.

Theon pretends to have killed Bran and Rickon, but we know he's lying. Jaime is held captive by Catelyn and they snipe at each other. Jon doesn't have sex with Ygritte.

It's satisfying to see Tyrion get his feet under the table at King's Landing and send Janos Slynt to the Wall, but it's an otherwise unmemorable episode, unless you count Theon trying to feel up his sister.

Dorne, Dorne, Dorne, aka the digression that no one asked for, or enjoyed when it arrived. We also have to suffer the insufferable prigs of the Faith Militant taking over King's Landing.

Yes, this episode begins the awful "Jaime goes to Dorne" plot, and yes, Arya mooching around outside the titular house is dull, but Jon's elected to Lord Commander of The Night's Watch in one of the series' most satisfying sequences, so it's saved from being totally terrible.

The bit where a young Cersei meets a woods witch who prophesies the deaths of her children is pretty cool. The rest, not so much. Pretty dreary for a season opener, TBH.

Major episode for book fans (BIG Benjen Stark reveal), but underwhelming for everyone else, especially during the Samwell Tarly dinner party sequence, because, basically, who cares? Though it does feature the scene where Dany mounts her dragon in front of her Khalasar and calls them to war. AT LAST.

Ser Gregor rips off the head of one of the Faith Militant, so it's not a total loss, but otherwise it features an anticlimactic end both to Arya's battle with The Waif and to the Siege of Riverrun.

Another holding episode, one which sees Dany complaining about admin in Meereen, Tommen crowned, Tyrion complaining about Lannister debts, Brienne bickering with Podrick and Baelish and Sansa arriving at the Vale. Ends on a decent, but ultimately pointless, fight at Craster's Keep, which strays into pantomime territory.

This might be a controversial one to have in the bottom ten, but bear with us. Sure, Tyrion gets his cool scar, and the early action is awesome (this episode won an Emmy for its visual effects work) but GOOD LORD the ending is terrible. That extended section in the House Of The Undying is one of the most annoying scenes in GoT's excellent run.

Dany reaches Qarth, Joffrey tortures Sansa (and two prostitutes) and Arya becomes Tywin's cupbearer, which has no long-term consequences. So, an episode that veers from boring, to nasty, to pointless. Yay!

Basically, tons of plotting, Daenerys arguing with Viserys, and Jon Snow arriving at the Night's Watch. Essential seeds are sown for future storylines, all of which render this one a bit humdrum on a revisit.

Bran meets Jojen and Meera Reed, Arya, Gendry and Hot Pie encounter the Brotherhood without Banners, Theon is tortured… but it's all a bit meh. Thank goodness, then, for the bit where Brienne beats up Jaime.

Joffrey has a happy nameday, Jaime meets a direwolf, and Dany tits about in the Red Waste. Fine as a scene setter, but let's face it, it's not a classic.

Arya extracts a promise from Jaqen H'ghar, but chiefly remembered as an episode in which the big set piece is ABSOLUTELY BONKERS. Yep, it's the one where a vagina-ghost materialises behind a gay would-be king to kill him to death and Freud spins in his grave so fast the earth turns on its axis.

Theon's rubbish takeover of Winterfell continues, as he proves himself the worst executioner ever. Also, Joffrey is still being Joffrey.

Jon makes a deal with some Wildlings, Brienne and Pod go to a pub, and Ramsay continues being a nasty little shit. Oh, and Tyrion and Jorah get attacked by some weird stone people. Seems pretty ridiculous when we write it down.

Bran misses his mum, Theon is compared unfavourably to Tyrion in the sack, and Ser Gregor kills a horse. Ends on a great cliff-hanger (Jory killed, Ned stabbed in the leg), but it takes a while to get there.

Decent enough – we love Jon and Ygritte versus the Lord Of Bones, and the resolution of Arya and Jaqen H'ghar's first encounter – but time spent with Stannis, Robb planning, and Tyrion sitting around reading (even if it does eventually lead to one of the most badass moments in the series in 'Blackwater') stops this from ranking higher.

We get a bit of High Sparrow backstory, which admittedly isn't the most fascinating thing in the world, but we also get Dany SETTING EVERYONE ON FIRE (Dany proving she's a badass is slightly repetitive by this point, but it's still a cool moment).