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i.
`I thought you were dead.´
`That makes two of us.´
`You are not going to make one of your bad jokes about this. Are you?´
Tony thinks about it. His mind goes blank. There's only a seeping coldness, the weight of blood on his clothes, and Pepper's eyes, big and questioning as ever.
`No,´ he replies softly. `I seem to be out of those.´
`Good. I like it better this way.´
She presses the tips of her fingers to the side of his head, lightly, gingerly, as if she were afraid to open a new wound.
`You pushed the button,´ he says to her, as if he were surprised.
`You told me to push the button,´ Pepper states.
`I had to yell at you so you would push the button.´
`Tony. No jokes.´
`Just one?´
He tries to grin but it fucking hurts.
`I can't believe you told me to do that,´ Pepper says and in her voice there's such pure incredulity that for a moment Tony is scared, more than he is of death right now. `How did you expect me to be okay with that? To... kill you? I am so angry with you.´
Tony knows there's something he should be saying, something he wants to say, even if his mouth is dry and his tongue is choking him all of the sudden. Then he feels it, like a warning at the edge of his vision – the world is closing down, shut out, darkening. He feels the world flicker and falter. He tries to will it to wait a bit longer yet. Just a moment please. He really wants to finish this conversation with Pepper...
ii.
In the little meeting room the flashes of cameras and questions of journalists are barely audible, a soft murmur of this is your life now and Tony finally breathes out, not relieved but exhilarated.
The way Pepper looks at him – she followed him away from the press without a word – like he is a naughty kid caught spilling paint over the classroom floor, it is an exhilarating sight, the corner of her mouth turn.
`You know how the magazines and E! Channel are always calling you a genius?´
She says it nonchalantly, her fingernails tapping on her clipboard once, twice. She is looking down at her shoes, not looking at him.
Tony tries caution: `Yes?´
Then she meets his eyes.
`I actually believe I have never met anyone as stupid as you in my life,´ she says.
There is an amused noise coming from the back of his throat that is not quite appropriate, quite what he meant.
`That sentence would have gone much better if you had added a sir or boss at the end of it, Pep. The politeness coupled with your insult is what would have made it poetry, but sorry, missed your chance.´
Her eyes narrow.
`You have any idea what's going to happen now?´
He shrugs.
`Kids are going to start asking for my autograph? I'm a super-hero now, no big deal.´
Pepper takes a couple of steps towards him. This is not a good thing. Her heels click on the polished floor. Tony wonders, idly, if she knows she doesn't need to look taller than him to make him feel small.
`You are not a super-hero, Tony,´ she says.
Another shrug. Something like anger uncurls at the bottom of his stomach: why shouldn't he be proud of this, proud of "Iron Man".
`No? Well, just super then.´
She suddenly looks very tired. Not just with the rush of the past days, with them almost getting killed and then Tony really almost getting killed and the hospital and the press conference and the rest. She looks different tired.
`You are flesh and blood,´ she says, matter-of-factly. `Despite that ridiculous iron suit-´
`-is not iron it's an alloy-´
`And that ridiculous technology of yours. And those big brains. All that genius won't stop you getting yourself killed. And that's what you've done. You've given all the pissed off criminals in the world leeway to- to just look you up in the yellow pages and come and shoot you.´
`I-´
`Not to mention the lawsuits.´
`I have a very large and overpaid group of lawyers to deal with that,´ Tony replies quickly, the feeling that he is being pushed into a corner.
`What about me?´
`What about you?´
`Maybe you are fine with painting a shooting target on your head but that includes me too, Tony. I'm in the same line of fire.´
`You know I wouldn't-´ he starts but. He wouldn't what? Put her purposefully in danger. He wouldn't. Ever. She is the single most precious thing he's got and that's why he can't tell her this. He explains it the only stupid way he knows: `I will protect you.´
Pepper arches one eyebrow.
`Can you protect me?´
Tony has no good answer to that.
iii.
She straightens her skirt with an assertiveness Tony has only seen in 1970s movies, in characters played by Faye Dunaway or maybe Jane Fonda.
He feels flustered and out of breath; his eyes catch the mug of coffee knocked over the table but there was no coffee in it, he had drank it all. He feels dizzy too. He hadn't done this since he came bad. Felt no urge. Not at least how he used to. For the first time in his life it had felt easy to pass up girls. Maybe it was the missions. Maybe it was Pepper. For the first time since he hit puberty his life hadn't been ruled by his dick but by his heart. What an appalling thought. Maybe his dick was finally agreeing on something with his heart. No, that is worse.
Whatever it was it left Tony with weak knees and the warmth at the tip of his fingers, still electric from Pepper's skin. (the spot at the back of her neck where he grabbed her & kept her there, against him, while they kissed)
She turns her back to him to do the top buttons of her blouse. (the pressure of her breasts against his chest)
`I wasn't planning on doing that with you,´ she says, coldly.
Tony zips his trousers with flamboyancy and grins. He is just happy. And it's not just the natural chemical response, either. This kind of happy is entirely new to Tony Stark, and completely terrifying.
`And look how great you were! Imagine how much more amazing it can be when you actually plan it.´
`This is not a joke.´ Pepper, talking between clenched teeth, finally facing him.
Someday Tony will have to tell her that she puts the fear of God into his heart like no missile or armor-piercing lethal weapon can. But Tony fear she would only use this revelation to her own advantage. That's what he'd do, anyway.
`No, I would never joke about your sexual prowess.´
But he would. And he is. (the satisfying, high-pitched noise she made when he brushed her right earlobe with his teeth)
She shoots him a glance; it's hard to read but it's as if she looked betrayed.
`You were planning on doing this.´
Ah. Tony struggles for honesty, wishing he doesn't sound too conceited. Pepper is the person who knows him best in the world but sometimes it's like she is trying very hard to misread him on purpose.
`Not particularly at this precise moment, no, I didn't plan it,´ he tells her. `More in general terms. More wishful thinking than actual planning, if we are telling the truth here.´
For a moment Tony thinks that will do the trick. That if he is pathetic enough, that might just be what she needs to hear. For a moment he is 100% sure he is going to win this one. But then Pepper's face shuts close – not her eyes, though, he can still glimpse a hint of something in her eyes – and she finishes brushing her clothes straight. (the look in her eyes when he finished taking off the armor and she saw the scratches all over his shoulder, how she kissed him first)
`This was a mistake.´
And it's nothing he wouldn't expect. In fact, if he were a betting man (& he is) he'd bet all his money that this was exactly the reaction Pepper was going to have if she ever had sex with him. So he doesn't really comprehend why it bothers him so much, actually hearing the words. More than bother him. It hurts him. It very well fucking enrages him. (how she – they, this - didn't fit in the context of his workshop, computers and machines being something familiar, comfortable and Pepper in the middle of that, either of those things)
`Hey, hey. You want me to be serious. Don't say that. Please.´
He hates the way he sounds helpless and down right needy. And what was the woman to think, anyway? This is what he does. This is Tony Stark, of course he'd try to seduce his assistant and make light of it and have a good time and damn the consequences.
Pepper seems to pause at his obvious distress. She gives him a gentle look.
`I didn't mean-´ Then she thinks better and shakes her head. `But it is.´
Her voice is full of mercy but that doesn't help them at all, now. Tony doesn't have any witty comment so he says nothing, lets her go. He is fucking smart so he can tell the glimmer in Pepper's eyes before she turns around is disappointment.
iv.
`You are going to come back, right?´
`Why, Potts, you are worried, I never knew you cared.´
`Fuck you.´
Tony takes a step away from her. Even with his Iron Man suit he feels threatened by Pepper. He doesn't think- no, he is sure he hasn't heard her swear like that before. He remembers an amusing "shitfuck!" when she once banged her foot against the coffee table but nothing with this kind of intensity.
`You are going to walk out on me?´ He asks weakly. `Are you going to just get mad and shout and walk away like you did... that time?´
He does not dare speak of it in exact terms. Ever since they had sex – there, he's said it – he and Pepper had been getting in each other's way, not seeing eye to eye. Tony guesses it's his fault mostly, he's been overly self-pitying and just, sad. But she's been vindictive. She doesn't act like she doesn't remember though – sometimes he catches looking at him like she is judging, like there's the "how could you do that to me?" question ready to spring to her lips, but then sometimes he catches her looking with a expression of something very much like yearning and that's even worse. He prefers the tight-lipped tones of `Mister Stark´ and the odd, new silences.
Truth be told, Tony welcomes the distraction and responsibility and this whole business of saving the world because-
`I miss you.´
Pepper tilts her head to one side.
`You're not going to just say that and go and get yourself killed and never come back to me. Are you? Because that would be a very disrespectful thing to do, sir. Even worse than when you left me in that balcony waiting for that martini.´
He smiles at her. Takes it as a cue to walk away.
Pepper stops him, two fingers over his elbow. It doesn't mean that he can't feel it through the metal suit. It stops him nonetheless.
`Okay, I'll get you a drink on my way back,´ he teases.
She is not smiling.
She bites her lower lip. For Tony a sudden, lightning-like memory of making her come. A memory of warmth. He files away the thousand light, heartless remarks he could make at this moment. He dismisses the heroic last words he could offer as well. She deserves more than promises he is not sure he can keep. He doesn't want to die. He will try not to. He is eager to come back to her. But that's all that can be said for Tony Stark right now.
`I have no intention of getting myself killed,´ is the closest to reassurance he can give her.
Pepper rolls her eyes.
`Yes, you're all about good intentions, boss.´
Her expression is pitiless, but her voice drops at the end, the way she says "boss", it's almost comforting, almost like old times.
`I was thinking if this was a good moment to kiss you,´ Tony asks her.
Pepper simply says `No.´
In movies the hero would just kiss the girl anyway, Tony thinks about this, but if he tried he would probably just get a slap, because this is no movie, because they are no hero and his girl, they are Tony Stark and Pepper Potts, whatever that is.
v.
It feels a bit too much full circle for Tony, the world slowly going out of focus, and the blood sticking under the armor, and the cracks in the armor and Pepper looking at him as if him dying could only be interpreted as an insult and an offence agasint her.
He has the vague idea that it was her who took off his helmet but he can't be sure; he couldn't have done it. His hands ache.
`One of these days...´ He starts but his throat feels coarse. Another girl would try to make him keep still, avoid worsening his wounds. Pepper is not that girl. `One of these days I'm going to get myself killed for real and you are going to regret having been so mean to me.´
Pepper snorts – that's close enough. He might be dying here but that's the least of his problems. Pepper is looking at him like the only reason she is glad he is alive is because this way she gets to kill him herself.
But at the same time she is holding his head, touching her fingertips above the neck of the armor.
`Did I save the world?´ He asks, hopeful.
Her shoulders relax a bit.
`But you are still an idiot. Come on.´
She helps him out of the scrapped and battered carcass. Tony groans like a girl but she makes no comment, which means it must be pretty serious. She doesn't say "help is coming" but he knows it's coming – she is still the most reliable person ever, even when she is angry at him. She checks his abdomen, follows the trail of blood and applies pressure on the adequate spots. She runs her hands over him and Tony is ashamed to admit he is thinking about sex.
`I'm sorry,´ he mutters.
`What?´
`I'm sorry I made myself so irresistible that you had to have sex with me. That was unfair on me.´
Pepper still won't smile (her hands are almost completely covered in blood now, Tony wonders how long it'll be until it's too much blood) but she breathes out and drops her head until her hair brushes Tony's cheek.
Maybe everything can be alright, Tony believes.
The last thing he sees is Pepper's face, illuminated in blue light by the dial in his chest, both his lifelines.
vi.
He hasn't realized how big the bed in her master bedroom was until the presence of Pepper in it makes it seem empty and vast in any other occasion. Great, Tony thinks, now on top of pathetic he is being mushy. He decides to put it down to the painkillers that linger in his bloodstream, or the endorphin release from orgasm. Yes, he tells himself, it's just that.
Pepper stretches her fingers over the curve of his shoulder, tugging at the bandages.
`What are you doing?´ He asks her.
`Making sure your sutures don't come loose.´
He smirks: `Well, if they didn't break with that we just did I think we are safe.´
`Please, Mister Stark.´
Tony finds her using his formal name in bed strangely arousing, it's the authority thing, or maybe he is just a fuck-up. She blushes.
`You are prude, Miss Potts. I would have never imagined, with what you just did.´
She brushes her index around the dial, where the skin is tender and raw.
`Be nice to me,´ she says wistfully, staring at the hole in his chest. `I doubt you'll find another girl who isn't creeped out but *that thing* in your chest when you go to bed with them.´
`You'd be surprised how kinky those girls out there are.´
Pepper punches his arm. Hard. Not on the wound but close enough to make a point out of it.
`Ouch. And what about you?´
`What about me?´ She asks.
He takes her hand and presses it against his chest, her fingers silhouetted in glimmering blue.
`Don't you find it freaky, that you had you hand inside my chest, playing Operation, remember?´
The tone is light but the question is dead serious. She knows too much about him. And from knowing his social security number to knowing the kind of noise he makes when he comes feels like a natural progression to Tony, with Pepper, but it's also a frightening one.
`Not really,´ she replies, distracted, breaking free of his hand and drawing circles on his chest with shy fingertips, like a girlfriend would do - oh god is she my girlfriend? Tony panics.
`With all that puss...´ He teases.
`It wasn't puss, puss doesn't- Oh I see. Very funny.´
`You are smiling so yes, it must be at least slightly funny.´
She is about to protest (or punch him again, he hasn't learned to read the signals of her post-coital moods that accurately yet, but he is looking forward to that) so he kisses her instead. A really long kiss. The last time he almost died is recent enough so that every kiss is a really long one.
`Hey,´ Tony says, breaking the kiss. `It's the first time I've seen you smile at me in weeks.´
He tries to play with her hair but she brushes him away.
`That's because you've been a douchebag,´ Pepper answers.
`You've been a douchebag.´
She rolls her eyes. Underneath the sheets Tony traps her leg under his, preemptively aborting any attempt to escape. Pepper knows what he is doing, of course, but the punishment is taking his chin in her hands and kissing him, biting his lower lip thoroughly, until she extracts a falling, surrendering sound from him.
`Okay,´ she concedes, giving him a look that's part horny part maternal. `We both have been douchebags. But I have earned my right much more than you.´
Tony can't argue with that. So he doesn't.
He puts his hand in the hollow of her shoulder and tries to roll her to the other side and pin her down to the bed but his arm still hurts so he gives up on the idea completely. It's going to be Pepper on top again. Like she's always been.